The Seven Ways Jayne Got River Dead
by bugchicklv
Summary: 7 COMPLETED fics for the 7 Deadly Sins & Several Ways challenges at LiveJournal. Various lengths and ratings some Rayne, some very much not. Rated M just to be safe because of one in particular and not the one you think!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter Title:** A Dish Best Served Cold (1/7)  
**Prompt:** Gluttony; #12 Orange  
**Rating:** G  
**Word Count:** 230-ish

* * *

Someone kept eating all the ruttin' cookies.

Not that it really bothered River as she was learning how to cook, and if they kept disappearing every night then she had another excuse each morning to make more. After finding the orange ceramic plate peppered with only a few crumbs from the fifth batch, she asked, politely, if the culprit would please leave some for the rest of them. The crew simply looked at each other over half-empty dinner plates, trying their best to decide who was guilty.

Once the eighth batch was gone, Zoe started taking bets. It was 5-1 on Jayne, with River abstaining. She didn't want to place blame without concrete proof. And she wasn't really one to wager.

No. She was not playing the odds; guesses and supposition were neither truth nor fact. And she was a stickler for both. So, for the ninth batch she made a trip to the infirmary. 'This batch will be special,' she thought as she mixed in an additional ingredient.

The look on Jayne's face the next day as he ran for the head, arms wrapped around his gut in pain, was priceless. The stench that permeated the ship worth every loud-mouth curse hurled her way. His discomfort made River giggle so hard that she couldn't breathe, and repeated tales of this anecdote said that she had "died laughing."

But at least she knew he liked her cooking.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Title:** Once Too Often (2/7)  
**Prompt:** Wrath; #30 Death  
**Rating:** R (violence, character death)  
**Word Count:** 330-ish

* * *

Jayne tossed back his whiskey and shoved the chair back, fuming because he had lost yet another hand of poker. He peeled himself away from the table, gathered what few credits he had left, and made his way to the bar for more liquor.

As he waited for the bartender to fill his order he felt something soft press against his arm. It was River.

"I ain't in the mood, girl," he snarled.

"Silly boy with the girl's name. I tried to tell you the cards were marked, the players duplicitous."

Still angry at losing to a bunch of deceitful cheaters, he pushed her away and snapped, "I done told you about that 'girl's name' _go se_."

But River only giggled, mocking him. The sound grated on his nerves and he was so furious that he had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from backhanding her across the room. So when she excused herself to go to the ladies' room, Jayne followed not far behind, stalking her.

He waited for her to finish, then grabbed her arms in his tight grip as she exited the stall.

"I gotta show you, girl? Do I?" he hissed as he slammed her against the wall.

River's eyes seemed to taunt him, questioning his manhood. And he couldn't have that. So he snatched her hand from where she had placed it on his chest in an effort to ward him off and shoved it down his pants.

"There. See? I got man's parts."

Once again River laughed, her head thrown back in sheer amusement. But when she lowered it, leveling her gaze at him, her eyes held nothing but contempt.

Gripping his cock and balls in a punishing grip she whispered, "Do not fool yourself. Anatomy does not make you a _man_."

It was the last thing she said before he unsheathed his bowie knife…and slit her throat, leaving her to die, alone, on the filthy bathroom floor.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Title:** Coulda Woulda Shoulda (Ariel AU ending)(3/7)  
**Prompt:** Greed; #13 Yellow  
**Rating:** PG (angst)  
**Word Count:** 400-ish

* * *

Jayne couldn't hide his grin. Everything was finally going according to plan.

The Ariel policeman handed him the yellow card loaded with all the reward money credits and Jayne whooped in triumph. He picked up the bag of necessities that were also provided, something he had asked for knowing he couldn't risk going back to _Serenity_ after this. He hefted the strap over his shoulder and glanced quickly at the handcuffed pair as they sat, waiting to be carted off by the Alliance.

Simon, his eyes flashing with fire, didn't bother to contain his hatred as he struggled to stand and fought for the right to confront the traitorous crew member. When one of the guards simply cold-cocked him with the butt of his sonic rifle, Jayne grimaced at the sound of the boy's skull cracking, and shifted his eyes as the doctor slumped, unconscious, against his terrified sister.

River, her eyes pooling with tears, swallowed hard in an effort to choke back a cry. Her face held no hatred, no condemnation; she seemed only to be asking him, silently, 'why?' As if to answer her, Jayne held up the card and flicked it with his fingers. He had enough money to buy his own ship, or to just relax for a while and take it easy, live the good life. He'd told Mal it would be an interesting day when he was offered enough money to betray them all, and today had been just that.

As he walked away he tried not to think about little Kaylee, or his friend, the Shepherd. He told himself it didn't matter what they might think of him now. He didn't want to think about the Tam siblings and what kind of life they would have after this. He was, quite simply, a mercenary; he went where the money was best. His services went to the highest bidder, and this was no different than the countless times before. He'd been on so many crews by this point, and turned on them all, that he couldn't remember most of their faces, let alone their names. He told himself he wouldn't remember any of these either.

But he wasn't sure he was ever likely to forget the way the sparkle, the joy, the light in River's eyes had simply died when the guards announced the arrival of their Alliance escort.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Title:** Equilibrium (4/7)  
**Prompt:** Sloth; #47 Heart  
**Rating:** PG-13 (angst, character deaths)  
**Word Count:** 580-ish

* * *

After Miranda things were a lot different, yet surprisingly the same. Day after day they traveled the 'verse committing lots of exciting crime and taking extreme chances for causes only Mal had reason to understand. Zoe was still the first mate and Mal's right hand while Inara lined up jobs and used her connections to get them out of tough situations. Simon fixed them all when things went wrong, Kaylee maintained the ship and kept her in the sky, and River grew quite adept at piloting. Jayne did his part providing muscle for the crew, killing people that needed killing and protecting the ship as well as his place on it.

Ten percent, a private bunk, and free reign of the kitchen became comfortable rewards, and Jayne had no intent to lose them.

So caught up in maintaining the status quo, he never saw the longing in River's eyes. Never noticed how she doted on him. Never realized how she cared for him. He stayed to himself, working out on his own and cleaning his guns, never bothering to leave the ship except for when the urge to rut became more than his right hand could alleviate.

When Kaylee announced she was pregnant and that she and Simon were leaving, River stayed on. She didn't want to be a third wheel, or an unwelcome weight around her brother's neck. He protested hotly when she told him, begging her to come with them and denying the burden she felt she'd be, all the while the relief shined, so apparent in his eyes. Not long after, Inara decided that House Madrassa held more appeal than she let on and left to take over for the dying Priestess.

They made do with Zoe as medic, and got another mechanic, one not quite as good but he kept the ship flying and that was all that mattered. And they had to work extra hard to find well-paying jobs and at being careful so as not to get caught. But Jayne never once mentioned the beautiful companion, the pompous doctor, nor the bubbly girl again.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Sometimes River wished she could feel the same, and wished that Jayne would leave so that her heart wouldn't ache so very much.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months turned into years. Finally, one hot dry day, Jayne wasn't paying attention as they raced through town after having just looted the bank. It could have been a lucky shot, could have been a ricochet. At any rate it was one small bullet that caught Jayne in the neck, and Zoe couldn't help him since she was piloting the mule.

River did her best, valiantly trying to staunch the flow of blood but it was no use. He died before they even got back to _Serenity_. She helped them dig his grave, then lovingly patted down the dirt as she climbed upon the slightly curved mound. Mal didn't know what to say, so they agreed to let her stay there for a little while, giving her time to grieve and cry.

When they went back to fetch her, they found her blue-tinged body sprawled face down in the dirt exactly where she was lying when they left.

To this day school children still tell campfire tales about the ghost of a girl who wanders their little moon, crying out for her long lost, unrequited love. The girl who died of a broken heart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Title:** Moon and Stars (5/7)  
**Prompt:** Envy; #14 Green  
**Rating:** PG-13 (character death)  
**Word Count:** 800-ish

* * *

Zoe loved Wash and her happiness shined in her eyes, a quiet contentment one would expect of a warrior woman who felt her class clown could do no wrong. Inara loved Mal and her adoration screamed to everyone that he was the bravest, most selfless man in the 'verse. Kaylee loved Simon and her joy was infectious, a giddy schoolgirl who worshipped his brilliance and beauty.

Jayne wanted what they had so much sometimes that it made him physically ill to watch them. He wanted someone to look at him with adoration, to think that all the suns in the 'verse rose and set on his say so. He hated them all for having what he didn't have.

So when the very next job was completed he squirreled away the percentage he always did for his Ma and Mattie, but with the rest he went shopping.

No one knew what to say when he returned wearing his button-down striped shirt and gifted River with the biggest bunch of day-old daisies and dried-up babies' breath ever seen. And that night at dinner he stood up when she entered the room, and held out her chair, the one right next to him, pushing it in slightly when she sat. He even gave her his extra slice of bread when she looked like she might still be hungry, spreading an unseemly amount of butter on it before he placed it between her teeth.

After the next job, River returned to her room and found a huge, heart-shaped box of chocolate lying on her pillow. She giggled when the first one she picked up already had a bite out of it, but ate it anyway, letting the sinfully delicious sweetness coat her tongue, savoring the taste of her first crush. Later that night, as she lay unable to fall asleep, she heard a chair scrape as it was dragged across the room, and she had to cover her face with the pillow to hide her infatuated grin when the soft notes of a well-played guitar filled the passenger dorm. But she let loose a dreamy sigh when the deep voice, resonating and perfectly in pitch, joined in the serenade, singing her to a contented sleep.

When she woke up in the infirmary, injured on the following job, she discovered Jayne's stuffed turtle, Speedy, tucked neatly beneath the blanket with her, and his cunning hat perched snugly upon her head. Simon rarely had reason to be there as her every need was fulfilled by a particularly concerned mercenary who doted on her hand and foot. She whiled away the time drawing in her brand new sketch book, with shiny new colored pencils, the bow from the wrapping tied securely around her wrist. And when she was well enough to go back to her own room, it was Jayne who carried her there; he was worried she might catch cold, or fall and aggravate her injury if she kept walking around barefoot.

As they weaponed up for the next job, River watched Jayne with such a serious intent that it took his breath away, and when she smiled at him he thought his heart might stop. Because there, in her eyes, was that sublime trust he craved worse than an addict did smoothers. He vowed right then and there he'd do anything she wanted, just so long as she kept looking at him like he hung the moons.

At the drop sight he had to mentally shake himself to keep his concentration on the task at hand. His eyes never wanted to leave her face, except when they wandered to take in the beauty of her hair as it blew in the wind, or her hands where they rested on her gun holsters. He smiled at her, and fingered the box in his pocket, fully intending to make it official when they returned to the ship.

But he never got that chance.

As Mal and Zoe commenced their regular negotiations, once more Jayne turned to look into the deep brown pools of River's eyes, holding them in his possessive gaze. And he missed seeing the gunman as he let loose one perfectly aimed shot that blew a hole the size of his fist through her chest.

After the ensuing firefight Jayne's nose and arm were broken, his shirt bloody from where he'd taken a shot in his shoulder again. But the _hun dan_ who'd shot his _bao bei_ lay in a heap of pulpy flesh, his face and body unrecognizable.

They buried her in a simple pine box that Jayne spent days crafting with his own hands. And as the rest of the crew stood there, huddled in pairs and mourning in ways that were uniquely their own, he hated them all once again.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Title:** Répéter, s'il vous plaît? (6/7)  
**Prompt:** Lust, #81 How  
**Rating:** R (smut)  
**Word Count:** 300-ish

* * *

It wasn't pretty; it wasn't romantic. There were no words of love, and no flowery music. They weren't lying on a down comforter covered in rose petals and there was no soft music to set a dreamy mood. 

Instead, it was frantic and rushed. The air in the cargo hold was thick with sweat, blood and dirt. The only sounds were grunts and groans, and the repetitive slap of skin on skin. A cold metal box dug painfully into her buttocks and Jayne was thrusting so hard that her skull kept hitting the bulkhead.

It was not, for all intents and purposes, the ideal way for a girl to experience sex for the first time.

But as River tightened her thighs around his waist and wrapped her arms around his head she couldn't contain her joy, or her laughter.

Panting, out of breath and with his face buried in her tangled hair, Jayne asked her what was so gorram funny. She only laughed again, then pushed him away and stood up, tidying herself and her clothes. Jayne huffed in anger, still aroused, and yanked his pants up, grumbling to himself.

As she skipped away she said in a sing song voice, "La petite mort, mon cher. C'est magnifique!"

Jayne shook his head in confusion. Not understanding her was par for the course, but this time she seemed particularly off her nut.

The word made him irritable. But as he watched her saunter off, her hips swinging in time to music only she could hear, he decided it wouldn't be too much of an effort to try a little harder to figure her out. Not if it would earn him the chance to finish what they'd started.

Running to catch up with her he called, "Hey, Crazy. Was that French?"

* * *

**Translations:**  
_Répéter, s'il vous plaît?_ -- Say that again, please?  
_La petite mort,_ -- The Little Death (aka Orgasm)  
_Mon cher._ -- My darling one.  
_C'est magnifique!_ -- It is magnificent! 


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Title:** The Fall (7/7)  
**Prompt:** Pride; #16 Purple  
**Rating:** PG-13 (violence, character death)  
**Word Count:** 350-ish

* * *

Jayne Cobb was the best gorram tracker in the 'verse. Everybody knew it. And the newest job on Whitefall would give him yet another chance to prove it.

With sign language Jayne explained to River that he would sneak up on the man whose tracks they were following and take him out. She was to take the high ground and keep an eye out for more of Patience's men. He watched as she climbed, sure footed and quiet, into the overgrown bush and waited to hunt his prey until she was completely out of sight.

It was almost too easy, he thought.

After quickly disarming the bandit and breaking his neck, Jayne set up the sniper rifle, adjusting the scope carefully in order to keep the entire party in his line of sight. Just as Patience grudgingly handed over the bag of money a shot rang out, echoing throughout the canyon.

Mal and Zoe both drew their weapons, firing and retreating in a repeat performance of the last time they were on this lousy moon. Jayne did his job, taking out everyone that tried to go after them, this time leaving no one behind.

When he got the all-clear from the Captain, he switched frequencies on the comm and called to River. The only answer he got was static. Jayne rolled his eyes and stomped off in search of the moon-brain girl, grumbling and complaining the entire way. But when he got to the top of the ridge he felt his stomach drop.

There in the dirt with her eyes wide open and empty, her purple paisley dress fluttering in the hot, dry wind, lay River Tam. One neat bullet hole in the middle of her forehead and a crumpled piece of paper in her hand were the only clues as to what had happened.

Jayne crawled over to her lifeless body and closed her eyes gently. Prying her hand open he read the missive aloud to no one.

"One down, six to go. Catch me if you can Jayne Cobb."

Evidently, he was _not_ the best tracker in the 'verse. Not anymore.


End file.
